HI

God Saw you hungry & created McDonalds, Wendys, and Dairy Queen.





He saw you thirsty & created Coke, Juice, Coffee and Water.





GOD saw you in the dark & created Light. GOD saw you without a Good looking , adorable , FRIEND......... so He created M E







Smile

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton

die on the same day, and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.


Unfortunately,there's only one space left that day,so the Angel must decide which of them
gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts

God ever created,and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day,
for eternity."
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,shakes it up, and gargles.

Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.


The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.

She spits into a commode and she gets in!

Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," ! says the Angel, "but even in Heaven,


a royal flush beats a pair -
no matter how big they are."

Kids proverbs

Better to be safe than.....................punch a 5th grader
Strike while the ..........................bug is close
It's always darkest before.................Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of...........termites
You can lead a horse to water but..........how?
Don't bite the hand that...................looks dirty
No news is.................................impossible
A miss is as good as a.....................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new.............math
If you lie down with dogs, you'll..........stink in the morning
Love all, trust............................me
The pen is mightier than the...............pigs
An idle mind is............................the best way to relax
Where there's smoke there's................pollution
Happy the bride who........................gets all the presents
A penny saved is...........................not much
Two's company, three's.....................the Musketeers
Don't put off till tomorrow what...........you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and............you have to blow your nose
Children should be seen and not............spanked or grounded
If at first you don't succeed..............get new batteries
You get out of something what you..........see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind...........get out of the way
If you can't stand the heat...........get a pool.
Don't count your chickens...........eat them.
A watched pot never...........disappears.
Too many cooks...........so few meals.
Look before you...........run into a pole.
As you shall make your bed so shall you...........mess it up.
People in glass houses shouldn't...........run around naked.
None are so blind as...........Helen Keller.
There is no fool like...........Aunt Eddie.
Better late than...................................pregnant

from the passengers seat

Blogger police

Harvard Reading test

HARVARD READING TEST for Randy DurrThis was developed as an age test by an R&D department at HarvardUniversity. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloudwithout a mistake. The average person over 50 years of age can't do it
!1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is fart cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat
Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down and I betcha you can't resist passing it on.

I am a BITCH

To my fellow female heroes . . .

BITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch
means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So ! try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch , so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself
B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman
--------------------------
B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

The way it use to be

Another Goody For The OldtimersMy Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem toget food poisoning.
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too.
Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in icepack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.coli.Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym)instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now..
Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids!
I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat andeverything.I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I gotthat bee sting? I could have been killed!We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom knowthat she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T- SORRY FORWHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING

Seattle Seahawks story

Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died.
Whenhe got to heaven,God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window.
"This house is yours for eternity,Peyton." said God."This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."
Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3 story mansion with a blue and white sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Seahawks flag, and in every window a blue Towel.
Peyton looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying tobe ungrateful, but
I have a question. I was an all-pro quarterback, Ihold many NFLrecords, and i even went to the Hall of Fame."
God said, "So what's your point Peyton?"
"Well, why does Matt Hasselbeck get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said, "Peyton, that's not Matt's house, it's mine."