Thanks for the forwards
This should give you a few chuckles....it did me.
I have received so many life-saving emails, and I mustsend my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have touse a wet towel with every envelope that needssealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that BillGates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me forparticipating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214angels looking out for me.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only getanswered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man
along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat while I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the peoplewho make these products are atheists who refuse to put
Under God on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of
water in the microwave anymore because it will blow upin my face... disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected withAIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone willdrug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will askme to dial a number for which I will get a phone billwith calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, andUzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcusbecause I already have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but minebecause a big brown African spider is lurking underthe seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And, thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up$5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably
was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneathmy car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget this one, either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove withdiarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infestyour back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I knowthis will occur because it actually happened to afriend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-lawssecond husband's cousin's beautician...
Cheers and now try to relax,
I have received so many life-saving emails, and I mustsend my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have touse a wet towel with every envelope that needssealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that BillGates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me forparticipating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214angels looking out for me.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only getanswered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man
along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat while I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the peoplewho make these products are atheists who refuse to put
Under God on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of
water in the microwave anymore because it will blow upin my face... disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected withAIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone willdrug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will askme to dial a number for which I will get a phone billwith calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, andUzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcusbecause I already have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but minebecause a big brown African spider is lurking underthe seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And, thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up$5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably
was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneathmy car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget this one, either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove withdiarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infestyour back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I knowthis will occur because it actually happened to afriend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-lawssecond husband's cousin's beautician...
Cheers and now try to relax,
posted by Jinx at 9:15 PM
0 comments
