Men's answers to Maxine

Men's answer to Maxine
Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! ! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it -
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. --------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't There i s a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men f**t (pass gas) more than women? Because women ca n't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. -------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. -
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I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a wo man's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to. -------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. -------------------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle the truth !

The newest diet

a new diet--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I used to have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog ???? Hello......

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I had been poisoned by the food and if that is why I ended up in the hospital. I told her no -- that I was sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me.

I thought the checkout guy was going to die on the spot. __________________