Fwd: FW: I am with Maxine!

 

*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice
cream drips.
*Maxine's Way*
Just  suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for  Pete's sake!You  are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it,  anyway!
_____
*Martha's Way*
To  keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the
potatoes.
*Maxine's Way*
Buy  Hungry Jack mashed potato mix.   Keep's in the pantry for up  to a
year.
_____
*Martha's Way*
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry
cake mix
instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of  the cake.
*Maxine's Way*
Go  to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for  you.
_____
*Martha's Way*
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'
*Maxine's Way*
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite  with me  the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'
_____
*Martha's Way*
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
*Maxine's Way*
Celery?  Never heard of it!
_____
*Martha's Way*
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
*Maxine's Way*
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
_____
*Martha's Way*
Cure for  headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.  The throbbing will go away.
*Maxine's Way*
Take a lime,  mix it with tequila, chill and drink!  'All'  your  pains go  away.
_____
*Martha's Way*
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
*Maxine's Way*
Go ask  that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
_____
*Martha's Way*
Don't throw out all that leftover wine.
Freeze into ice cubes for future use in  casseroles and sauces.
*Maxine's Way*
Leftover wine???????????
HELLO  !!!!!!!
_____
As  usual, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends
within the next  5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew
and your butt will fall off.   Really.... it's true! Have I  ever lied to
you?

Fw: Chocolate Sings

 

One day I had a date for lunch with friends. Mae, a little old "blue hair" about 80 years old, came along with them---all in all, a pleasant bunch. When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Mae who said, "Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate."

I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast.

"Along with heated apple pie," Mae added, completely unabashed.

We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time.

But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine.

I couldn't take my eyes off Mae as her pie a-la-mode went down.

The other ladies showed dismay. They ate their lunches silently and frowned.

The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae.

I lunched on white meat tuna. She ordered a parfait.

I smiled. She asked if she amused me.

I answered, "Yes, you do, but also you confuse me.

How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible?
She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, "I'm tasting all that is Possible.

I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should.

But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good.

This year I realized how old I was. (She grinned) I haven't been this old before."
"So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I had ignored.

I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many books I haven't read. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead.

There are many malls I haven't shopped. I've not laughed at all the jokes.

I've missed a lot of Broadway hits and potato chips and cokes.  
I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face.

I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace

I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast.

I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most.

I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain.

I need to feel wind in my hair. I want to fall in love again.

So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner,

then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner,

because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire.

I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired."
With that, I called the waitress over.. "I've changed my mind, " I said. "I want what she is having, only add some more whipped cream!"  
This is my gift to you - We need an annual Friends Day! If  you get this twice, then you have more than one friend. Live well, love much & laugh often - Be happy.  
SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS including me if I'm lucky enough to be counted among them.
Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we love and respect. Remember that while money talks,                  CHOCOLATE SINGS! 

AIDS ALERT!!!!!

 

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!
 
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

I'm only sending this to my 'old' friends.

I love to see you smile.